She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
