I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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