News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
