Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
