you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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