MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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