Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
