I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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