After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
