i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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