hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We left the knife in your bed.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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