i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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