I murdered the dance floor call the cops
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Randomize
