I cannot find my penis.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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