Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
