My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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