I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
