I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
