I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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