My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
