ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
