My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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