You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
