I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize