he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just forgot I was standing up.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
