I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
