as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
