im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You were trust falling into bushes
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
