Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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