Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
