It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
it was like eating out sand paper
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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