I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
