You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
