An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
