Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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