You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
