WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Come on in and take your pants off
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