I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Shame - the story of my life.
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