You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
