you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
