She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
