so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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