do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
