I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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