Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
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I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
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he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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