Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
