I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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