If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
