do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
