what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
