This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
