i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
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