his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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