Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
