Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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