my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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