just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
