how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
