so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
