the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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