I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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