Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
