Just cropdusted the office
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
