I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
