I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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