Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
