just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
