The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
