Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
