How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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