I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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