yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
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His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
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You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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