my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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