I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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