He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
