naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
high people should be assigned attendants
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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